Really? Crying over a paper bag?

We have reached the last of our 'firsts' - yesterday had been a year since we buried Ian and one year ago today we held his memorial service.  This was also the weekend for our local Relay 4 Life which we participated in last year.  Last year's race was very moving for us; we were just returning from a small get-away with Amy & Alex to San Francisco and went early Sunday morning for one hour of walking.  In that short time we ran into one of the nurses who helped take care of Ian and saw that he had three luminaries made in his memory......it was a really sweet time for us.  This year, not so much.  We were more involved this year than last and spent more time at the track.  Ian just had one luminary this year and we didn't run into anybody we knew.  I returned this morning to collect the luminaries we had made for Ian, Alex and the son of a friend of ours who died 13 years ago from cancer.  I arrived just as they were walking, what looked like, a final group lap.  I waited till the lap was finished then noticed folks were starting to pick up the luminaries.  I walked out onto the track, panicking a little - people were collecting them to throw them away.  I reached the area where Alex's bag was first, but his was already gone.  I looked around to see if anybody was holding his but I didn't see it.  I wanted to start questioning folks, "do you have a bag for Alex Hassett?" but I thought they would think I was some looney women (which wouldn't have been exactly wrong).  Then I looked across the track where Ian's had been and they were all gone - my heart sank.  I'm very much a 'memento' person and my mementos of this weekend were lost.  I could feel myself starting to cry so I turned to leave the track when I saw a woman collecting the bags, crumpled together in her hand......and I lost it.  I just kept picturing someone crumpling Ian's picture on his paper bag, tossing him away like he didn't matter.  I got out of there as fast I could and yes, I was crying over a paper  bag.  I know it's silly, I know I wasn't really crying over a paper bag. I was crying over the fact that we were the only ones who remembered Ian with a luminary.  I was crying over not having the opportunity to cry with someone over Ian.  I was crying over the loss of impact his life was having on people.  I was crying over the loss of remembrance.  The only visible remembrance of Ian this year was the luminary we made for him.  I know that's the way it has to be but Ian's loss is still new for us.  I don't mean to say that others don't remember him or miss him, but to us it's still fresh.  Their lives are moving on and  that's the way it's supposed to be but seeing that and realizing it in such a tangible way hurts.  It's one more step down a road without him.