Our memory tree

I know it looks like a Christmas tree but it's really a memory tree.  Every year I would buy a Christmas ornament for each child, trying to commemorate some milestone in their life that year.  Whether it was Alex's one and only season playing softball (we were really glad he didn't play a second year cuz we froze out there in the bleachers) or Amy's first year of driving or Ian's love of music, they all had a special ornament with the year printed on it.  The intent was that when they grew up and left our home to start their own, they would have a tree full of ornaments to remind them of Christmas' past.  Amy took all hers when she got married.  Alex is still living at home and of course, we will always have Ian's.  One out of three.......

It's hard to believe this is our fourth Christmas without Ian but when we begin to pull out our ornaments (Alex's favorite part of Christmas decorating because he wants to hear the stories connected with each ornament) we are reminded of every year of their lives.  Going down memory lane started out well this year, the memories were sweet and our history together grows longer each year.  Then I unwrapped Ian's memorial ornament.  It's a picture of Ian with the inscription, "God saw him getting tired, a cure was not to be.  So He wrapped his arms around him and whispered, 'Come with me'."  Those memories aren't so sweet, they are filled with pain and loss and they still overwhelm us.  We finish the tree with a special Ian 'angel' ornament that our friend Julie Ryver made for us the first Christmas after Ian died - it's corny, but he's our tree angel now.

Maybe one year, decorating the tree won't be a tearful event.  Maybe one year, the sweet memories will overshadow the painful ones.  We aren't there yet, but maybe one day.........

So, you see, it really is a memory tree.