I have been blessed with a number of wonderful, caring girlfriends in my life. Some have stayed for a season and some have stayed longer - all of them valuable. I recently had to say goodbye to one of my oldest (not in age, just longevity) and dearest friends when she died suddenly and unexpectedly. The list of things I will miss about her is too long to list; she was my travel buddy, my bucket list companion, she 'got' me, she made everything an adventure, she made grieving easier and so many more things. I actually looked forward to growing old because we had plans to share it together. Now, instead of grieving with her I will grieve for her.
Part of me is angry because I feel like I've lost so much already and just when I was starting to feel hopeful about the future, God pulls the rug out from under me......again. The front of this tapestry He's weaving had better be glorious cuz the back of it looks like a mess. But this isn't about me, this is for Debbie and the wonderful way she lived her life, the people she affected and the ties she left behind to those who loved her.
I was asked to speak at her memorial and these are the words I needed to share about my friend, Debbie Mast.....
It is heartwarming to see so many here to remember Debbie and
support her family. Thank you all for
being a living, breathing testimony to the impact Debbie had on the people
around her.
When Erle asked me to consider talking today, I didn’t have
to think about it, I didn’t have to debate it.
I think my exact words were – “I would love to tell people about my
friend, Debbie.”
I remember the first time I met Debbie.
Her family had just moved to Bakersfield and she walked into our high
school Sunday school class. The chair
next to me was empty so I padded it and enthusiastically motioned for her to
join me (looking back, I’m surprised I didn’t scare her away), not realizing
that it would be the beginning of a friendship that would last almost 40 years.
I was there when Debbie & Erle started dating, then got engaged in what I
believe, may have been the longest engagement in our church’s history. But Debbie knew what she needed and wanted in
a husband and that was Erle. And Debbie was
willing to wait till the time was right.
There is one thing, Erle, that I want to make sure you know, beyond a
shadow of a doubt – that you gave Debbie a wonderful life! She loved being your wife, she just loved
hanging out with you. I saw it when you
were dating, I saw it at your wedding and I saw it on our trip last year. Just the way she looked at you, the way she
would massage the back of your neck when you sat next to each other, the way
she talked about you – except when you were annoying her, which was only a
little and she got over it quickly. She
knew your life together was blessed and she felt so fortunate to share it with
you. I don’t think she would have
changed a moment of it.
I remember once, after we had graduated from high school,
Debbie & I decided to investigate this new exercise craze, Jazzercise,
which included dressing appropriately.
That means the big hair, headband, leotards and the ever present leg
warmers. Let me tell you, Deb & I
were stylin. We went to a class in a large
gym and Debbie & I liked to go to the back of the class. I can’t remember why, but Deb & I got the
giggles, and we couldn’t stop! I don’t
know what was so funny, I don’t even know if we knew then. We would regain our composure, then look over
at each other, and we’d start busting up laughing again. It got to the point that while the rest of
the class was doing floor exercises we exploded into full blown belly laughs. The teacher eventually had to ask us to leave
because we were disturbing the rest of the class. So Debbie & I picked up
our stuff and took the walk of shame out of the gym. Ladies, I hope at least once in your
lifetime, you experience an uncontrollable case of the giggles with a
girlfriend – because they are great!
When Erle & Debbie’s big day finally arrived, I was honored to be a part of
her wedding party. But I do remember,
after it was all over, sitting in the parking lot in my truck (cuz in
Bakersfield, everybody drove a truck) & I was really sad. I knew you two were heading off to San Diego
and I thought, “I’ll probably never see my friend again.”
But, thankfully, God had other plans. I
remember a few months after Eric was born, I was returning from a business trip
and I had arranged to have a long layover in San Diego so I could see
Debbie. We went back to their place and
I have such a clear picture of Debbie, sitting on the floor playing with
Eric. She was enraptured with you. I had never seen her happier. She loved being
a mom to all three of you – I think she was born to it. I could see so many similarities between
Debbie & her mom. Her mom had been a
nurturer and a caretaker and Debbie had learned those traits well. But as much as she loved being a mom to all
three of you and a mother-in-law to Jaime, I think she might have loved being a
grandma just a little bit more.
Besides her faith, family was the most important thing to Debbie. But it didn’t stop with Erle and the kids. It included Erle’s sisters and their families,
her brothers and their children, including “the nieces”. Debbie talked often about her nieces and she
told me about how much fun she had when they were all out here last fall. I think Debbie felt it was her mission to
keep the Wheat family connected. So to
her nieces, my hope is that you will continue Debbie’s legacy and get together
as often as you can and think of your Aunt Debbie when you do.
In the years that followed, our lives got busy with raising our families but we
kept in touch – Christmas letters, occasional phone calls…..then, Facebook
happened and Debbie & I discovered
Instant Messaging. One of the first
times we got to ‘talk’ to each other using the computer, it was around Debbie’s
mom’s birthday and she was sharing how much she missed her mom. I think that was the beginning of a deeper
friendship for us.
After several years of being connected via the computer, we decided that we
needed to ‘see’ each
other. So we made
plans for my husband, Eric & I to come out to Colorado for a visit. And, I have to be honest, I was a little
nervous. We hadn’t spent a significant
amount of time together in years. What
if we had nothing to say to each other after the first five minutes? What if
this turned into the longest, most awkward weekend ever for all of us? But I shouldn’t have worried. Debbie greeted us at the airport and I can’t
say that she ran, cuz Debbie didn’t run unless it was absolutely necessary, but
she walked really fast toward me and gave me the biggest hug! We started talking and I don’t think we
stopped the entire weekend – we had picked up right where we left off.
I found a quote that I sent Debbie a couple of years ago, “Good friends help
you find the important things that you’ve lost; your smile, your hope and your
courage.” I sent this to her because Debbie
& Erle had been extremely supportive and encouraging during our youngest
son, Ian’s, battle with cancer in 2011. Due
to the type of work Erle does, they even managed to supply us with a small
amount of hope, which was so desperately needed at the time. After our son died in 2012, Debbie flew out
to spend some time with me and another friend of ours from Bakersfield,
Melissa. Most people would have waited
till the memorial service to visit but Debbie was smart. She knew we wouldn’t have any time to really
talk at our son’s service, so she came out the week before as I was trying to
digest the loss of our son and to help me talk through it. It was during that weekend that Debbie &
I realized that we both wanted to go on the same river cruise in
Europe. Debbie had the brilliant idea
that we should go together, so a trip was born.
We would celebrate Debbie & Erle’s 30th anniversary and
Eric & I would celebrate our 25th. So, last summer we spent two weeks in Europe
together, 24/7 and walked away with our friendship still intact. I think it went pretty well since one of the
first texts I got from Debbie after we got home, was “Where are we going next?”
In one of the last texts I got, we had started planning our trip to Ireland
next year. Erle, I don’t know if you
knew this but Debbie & I had plans to live in the same retirement community
because we wanted to be the wrinkled old women sitting by the pool, drinking
our little umbrella drinks & enjoying ourselves. We were just going to drag you and Eric along
for the ride.
One of the things I loved about Debbie was her ability to find joy in any
circumstance; she could turn a negative into a positive. She could be serious when the occasion called
for it, but she’d much rather have a good laugh. So, in that spirit, in the midst of this
sadness and grief, I started to think about what I could be thankful for……
I am thankful that I knew Debbie
I’m thankful that she played such a large part in my
life
I’m thankful that we created so many wonderful memories
together
I’m thankful that she shared her pomegranate martini recipe
with me
I’m thankful that she didn’t suffer
I’m thankful that she’s with her mom again, who she missed so
much
I’m thankful that because of our shared faith in God and His
son, Jesus Christ, I know that we will see each other again. Today is not good-bye. Today is just, “I’ll
see you later.”
So……Debbie, if I can interrupt any fun you might be having
right now, because I know you’re celebrating the ultimate joy. And if you can hear me…..which I hope you can….save
a seat for me. Preferably, close to
you. And when I get there, we can do
what we did best and pick up where we left off.
Eric & I saw several red robins during our trip to Colorado.
