It's award season around here, one of our favorite times of the year. We gave away $1,750 in awards last night to two deserving, talented artists. It was Eric's turn to address the crowd which always includes a little bit of info on the Foundation and Ian. Eric was doing great, then he reached the part about Ian "dying in 2012 at the age of 19 from cancer". I heard the catch in voice, I don't know if anyone in the audience did, but I did. He recovered quickly but later we talked about how the loss of Ian will hit us at the most unexpected times and last night was one of those. It's funny how such a short little sentence can stop us in our tracks and our eyes well-up and that familiar pain in our heart is back.
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| Eric Hassett, Stefanie Hassett, Chloe Sheley, & Arianna Vauclin |
The years are flying by but some milestones still have the power to cripple me. I don't mentally mark the 13th of every month like I used to. As we creep up on the anniversary of the day Ian died I used to say to myself, "6 months from now he was gone, 3 months from now.....". I don't inwardly steel myself for the anniversary months ahead of time, this year, primarily because we were so busy with Alex's own battle with cancer but today is different. On this day, Ian was in the hospital for the last time 6 years ago.....the day the doctor told us our fight was over is just around the corner....then our last days with Ian at home. When we talk about Ian graduating from Righetti in 2010 that sounds like such a long time ago and it's hard to believe he's been gone 6 years. Probably because we surround ourselves with him every day; his pictures, his art, his clothes that still hang in the closet, his mission to encourage other artists....all these things bring us comfort and sweet remembrances of him. But I know that in the not-to-distant future, he'll be gone longer than he was alive and for some reason that breaks my heart.
To be honest, this whole crying fest started with Trump. When I saw him sign the 'Right To Try' Bill my first thought was, 'Finally.....it's just 7 years too late'. Too late for my boy who needed the right to try any drug that we thought might help. Too late to save his life. So like most of America, I will blame Trump but with that I say, 'Thank you'.
