We started our new Christmas tradition - donating money in Ian's memory to a non-profit organization that would benefit children in a third-world country. We got the card today acknowledging that gift ~ is it weird that I sent myself a card? One of these days I will get together with my scrapbooking friends and work on that scrapbook about all things Ian and I wanted to have a tangible memory of this first donation. I started thinking about next Christmas and carrying on this tradition. Then I had the thought - one more Christmas without Ian here, means one year closer to seeing him again. Maybe if I think of it that way, it would be more bearable.
Eric & I have been talking about whether nor not to have a Christmas Day dinner like we did last year. It was Ian's idea and he and I worked together to put the menu together. It was also the first time we had everyone over for Christmas Day dinner, so it was a special event for our family. I know I wrote down that menu somewhere so I started looking through our CaringBridge entries to see if I had shared it there. I read those posts and I see such hope even in the midst of insurmountable odds. I miss that woman.
I finally had the courage to start reading 'Suffering and the Sovereignty of God' by John Piper and Justin Taylor. So far, so good but I'm only on page 3. Baby steps towards being that woman again who always saw hope in the circumstances around her.
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