Thankfulness & trust

On the theme of thankfulness...
"Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks for everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances). This is a spiritual act of obedience - at times blind obedience. To people who don't know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties may remain. Thankfulness opens your heart to My presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective. It is this light of My presence that removes the sting from adversity. " Jesus Calling

I struggle with several things lately, one of them being thankfulness.  It's funny how just the act of saying, "Thank you Father", even if I don't know what I'm saying 'thank you' for, brings a sense of comfort.  But I also struggle with trust.  I can hear God tell me, 'trust me' but how do I trust someone who has ripped my heart out?  Alex has been having some medical issues along with some issues at school and worrying about these have made me sick to my stomach.  I obsess about making the right decisions, about not missing anything important, about protecting him without smothering him.  Normally, I would try and let these go and turn them over to God but I hesitate.....how can I trust God to look out for Alex and take care of him when His version of 'taking care' of Ian tore him from our lives?  God always rescued us when Alex was sick, we weren't rescued this time.  But maybe Ian was; maybe he was rescued from decisions he would have made, things he would have done.  Even that is of little comfort when the pain of losing him is overwhelming.

I'm working on the trust.  I hope it will come with time.  For now, what can I be thankful for?  The answer I found, at least for now, is the mercy of a God who loved me enough to sacrifice His own son, so He could look upon me.  Look upon me as I meander through this fog of grief, loving me enough to be patient with me, loving me enough to help me heal.......I just have to let Him.