Honoring Ian this Christmas

I went to a 'class' today at the Hope Center for those who are grieving a loss on 'how to get through the holidays'.  I had no idea what to expect....I don't usually feel comfortable at 'group' things.  They had some valuable information to help us navigate the holidays but my impatience was getting the best of me.  There were folks going thru all manner of losses....husbands, 'life partners', long time friends, mothers and me.  I just started to get ticked off when they kept saying "all losses are the same"....I have to disagree, from where I'm sitting they aren't.  Somebody grieving the loss of her 85 year old mother after a full life, full of love, marriage, children and grandchildren is NOT the same as grieving the loss of a 19 year old who will not get to experience any of those things.  Yes, it's sad; yes, it's a loss but do not tell me it's the same.

I've been told that suffering a tragedy makes us more compassionate towards others....I guess I'll have to work on that.

I left with a few more tools on how to get through the holidays but still had to answer the question: what to do about Christmas?  Thanksgiving is a given - we sit, we eat, we eat some more, done.  Christmas is a completely different matter.  There are so many different elements wrapped up (excuse the pun) in celebrating Christmas: shopping, baking, wrapping presents, picking out a tree, decorating the tree, decorating the house, Christmas Eve traditions, opening presents.  It just doesn't feel right to do all those things like nothing has happened, like Ian hasn't died.  I wish I could think of some really cool, new thing to do....like flying to Alaska to see the Northern Lights then flying home or spending Christmas in Hawaii, or secluded in a cabin surrounded by snow....but I don't think any of those will help me forget that Ian isn't there to share it all.

We have found one way to honor Ian this Christmas.  During our late night talks, Ian & I would talk about silly things.  We would also talk about the things that mattered to him, things he dreamt of doing 'after cancer'.  His greatest wish was to go away to college, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to help him do that.  I can still hear him tell me, "I just want to go to college mom.  I just really want to go away to college."

Another wish he shared with me was to travel to third world countries with a non-profit organization and work with the people there.  He wanted to give back and experience the world through others eyes.  He especially wanted to work in Asian countries.  Ian will never be able to do either of those things but I can do my best to help honor those wishes.  So, this year, for Ian's Christmas present, Eric & I will be making a donation to World Vision in Ian's name, to provide medicine for children in third world countries.  To our family and friends who would normally have given Ian a present this Christmas, we would like to encourage you to do something similar.  Pick a charity of your choosing and make a donation in Ian's name.  I can't think of a better way to honor him (and I promise to work on the 'compassion' thing).