A blog-worthy day

The minute I saw the red robin, I knew it was going to be a good day.  I had no idea how good it was going to get.......

If you've read my blog, you know the importance of a red robin to our family.  It is our reminder that God is with us and looking over us.  As I was leaving for work, at the end of my street, blocking my path, was a red robin.  I stopped my car and stared.  It felt like it had been so long since I had seen one; I missed him.  I was just so thankful for this reminder; of Ian, of God watching over us.  I felt silly as I started to cry over this robin.  I watched as it flew into a tree directly in front of me, then it flew back to within just a few feet from my window.  It stood in the middle of the street looking around, then looking at me.  I knew that nothing was going to spoil this day....it was going to be a good day.  Not even having to go to the Social Security office that afternoon to wrangle over Alex's disability payments was going to dampen this moment.

Then my day got better.  A sweet friend of Ian's sent me this very long text, which was unusal for her.  We first met after Ian had died and she has faithfully stayed in touch with me since then.  She told me when we met that she didn't really know Ian that well but that she was just so touched by his presence that she really missed him.  This was our conversation (reprinted with her permission):

Ian's friend (who shall remain nameless):  The more I know about Ian, the more I miss him.  I really pushed him to get Facebook after we met in ceramics class but we never got as close as I wanted to, it just felt like we kept missing each other.  For example, years ago, I went to the movies and Ian showed up and he kept staring at me but never said hi because he thought I had left for Berkeley and thought there was no way that could be me.  Then I saw him staring at me and I thought he was giving me the stink eye.  Later on, he saw the pictures on Facebook and we realized what happened.  But I never saw him in person again after that because I was convinced that he had gone off to UCLA.  I'm still kicking myself!  Ugh!!  There has to be some form of afterlife or something where I see him again because, dang it! we have so much in common!  I have a passion for art and science, for learning in general.  I remember sitting down with another friend of ours while she was working on Geology and I was trying to identify all the minerals.  She looked at me and whined, "Are you one of those people that's good at everything!?!  Ian was like that!  Uggggh!"  I also remember his passion for music, he had a love for classical music and I remember being so excited to have found someone that loved classical music too!  And then he started listing off different symphonies and concertos, and I was like, "Woah, woah, woah!  You gotta write these down.  There's no way I'm going to remember all of these."  The one that stuck out to me was Rachmaninoff, he loved him!"

Me:  Those are sweet, wonderful memories!  I do believe we will see Ian again.  That's the only thing that helps keep me sane, otherwise I can't imagine how I would manage missing him so much. I cling to the promises God makes to us in the Bible & in the knowledge that for most of his life Ian loved and believed in God.  In the last days of his life I believe God broke threw Ian's doubts and questions & showed him what was waiting for him.  The last conversation we had with Ian he was talking about a beautiful place that someone named Michael was showing him.  I like to think it was the archangel Michael.  I hope you treasure all those memories of Ian.  Use them to propel you forward, knowing that he would be right beside you, cheering you on.

Friend: You are blowing my mind right now, Stefanie!!!  I had a dream that took place in the future.  I was sitting at the table eating breakfast with my future daughter, she was about 4.  She looked up at me and said, "Mommy, who's Ian?"  My eyes got big and I said, "What!?  Where did you hear that name?"  She said, "He's standing right beside you."  I turned and looked and sure enough Ian was right there and he said, "I am the archangel Michael.  I took the form of someone you love to communicate with you."  I thought it was a crazy, random dream so I never gave it much weight.  Until you said that.  I hope you don't think I'm a loon.  I am spiritual but I don't claim any religion.  I am only telling you this because I don't believe that dream is a coincidence anymore.

Me:  Oh wow!  From some of what you've posted on Facebook recently, it seems like you're searching....maybe God is trying to tell you something?  I believe everything happens for a reason so I don't believe in coincidences.  Give it some thought & just be open to what He might be trying to communicate to you.  There is always a purpose in everything, even Ian's death.  With much love, Stefanie

As I pressed the Send button, I realized that for the first time since Ian died, I felt like maybe there was a reason why he died.  If it was only to let his friend know that there is a hope to be with the ones we love.  That life doesn't end with death.

I had to share this with you all because it was so important, it makes such a difference in missing Ian. 
We all need to see a purpose, a reason why bad things happen and today I had just a glimpse of that.  For the first time since February 2011, when Ian was diagnosed, I could say that today was a GREAT day!

PS - I didn't have to go to the Social Security office after all....a very nice lady at the Santa Maria office answered the phone and was able to help me over the phone.  See, it was a great day.