When I was younger I used to feel guilty because I wasnt' eager to get to heaven. There was so much to do here; things to see, places to explore and events to experience. I never understood how people could 'long for heaven'.....I do now. This world isn't fun anymore, it's full of pain and sadness and loss; always loss. I know there are moments of fun, jokes to laugh at. I know that there will be things I won't want to miss like Amy getting married or our first grandchildren, but even those moments, I'm afraid, will be tinged with a drop of sadness because Ian won't be there to experience them with us.
Our counselor was telling us about a theory that in heaven everyone has a job - something they are gifted at that is used to bring glory to God. I like to think of Ian painting, learning beside age old masters, showing him different drawing techniques or playing the piano - I miss him bringing notes on a page to life. I walk by the piano every day, his music still there waiting for him and I miss his music so much!
I was thinking back to our trip to Monterrey. Ian wanted to go, so we just went; one of the best things we've ever done. What do I remember the most from that trip? That we went with the moment, we did things on a whim, we didn't plan everything out, we laughed, we did what felt right for us at that moment and it created some wonderful memories. It made Ian smile. I look back on the trips we took with our kids, and it was time and money well spent. You can't replace a month spent crossing the country, cooped up in a 30 foot RV or snorkeling together in Hawaii or exploring a cave in the desert. Please, please don't get so caught up in the busyness of your life and forgot about the really important things - taking the time to listen to your children tell you about their day, that extra game of Go Fish, a cuddle on the couch, digging in the dirt looking for pirate treasure. The housework can wait (the dust isn't going anywhere), the phone can go unanswered. The moments you lose with your children can never be regained. I saw a dad the other day while Eric & I walking around downtown SLO and his little girl was energetically walking around him, talking away, telling him some important story that couldn't wait; all while he was entranced with his cell phone. I wanted to shake him. Didn't he know that the day is soon coming when she won't want to tell him her stories, when she'll see that his phone is more important to him than she is, when all those moments will be gone? I was far from the perfect parent.....I missed opportunities, I thought the 'adult' things I needed to get done were so much more important than playing 'choo-choo' or 'tea party' and in the grand scheme of things, they weren't. They were my way of making me feel more important. I didn't realize the most important job I had was two feet tall and staring up at me, waiting for my attention.
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